Fear - What to Do With It
“We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” -Inaugural Address of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, addressing the nation in the midst of the Great Depression
One of the privileges I enjoy as a somatic therapist and executive coach is to observe and walk with highly successful people through their experiences of fear. What this has shown me is that we all experience fear - that we are all the same person deep down. Our fears may vary, and they do, but we are all vulnerable to the debilitating and even destabilizing effects of fear.
I don’t agree with those who say we can overcome or conquer our fears. Fear will always be with us. It is part of the human experience. And it can affect us greatly.
We’re Not Powerless
So what can we do when fear takes hold of us and we begin to unravel? The first thing is to notice this. Awareness tends to stop the spiral of our reactions and brings us back to the present moment.
Next, we can accept that we have been in the throes of fear and not be critical of ourselves for this involuntary (autonomic) response.
Then, it is helpful to take some time—and depending on the situation and its expected duration this can take hours, days or even weeks—to give ourselves gentle, restorative comfort and support as You would for a child or dear friend to help them recover from their experience and from the effects of fear.
If we expect the stressor or situation that triggered our fear to linger, increasing our self-care during these times, like being extra good to and gentle with ourselves and reinstating restorative practices such as meditation, exercise, rest, and social engagement, are essential. Self-care is one of the first things that can fall off when we experience fear.
After Crisis Management, Then What?
But what about the big picture - the long game in regard to the objects or triggers of our fears - because those are still real, right?
The fact is that life is uncertain and there is actually very little that we control and can control. This idea takes some getting used to, but the sooner we can expand our tolerance for living with this reality, the less vulnerable and resistant we will be to the effects of our fears when they arise.
Moreover, many of us will rarely, if ever, experience actual physical fears. In those rare situations if and when we do, we hope to respond in some way that protects and ensures our safety. The truth is that we the living have survived the worst things that have ever happened to us. Human beings are inspiringly resilient although we hope to never experience and have to rebuild from our worst fears.
Far more commonly, we experience emotional fears—the fears our minds and bodies create in response to events or situations that are unfolding or that have not yet even occurred and may never occur. As even the most fearful persons will agree, our worst fears and even lesser ones rarely come true, and even when they do, their impacts are rarely as big as we imagine.
Some Better News
There’s great news here. Since our emotional fears (thoughts and feelings) actually originate inside us—rather than in the outside world and its media—they are the one thing we can do something about.
First, by accepting that they are only thoughts and feelings—not reality—and that they are causing us to feel even more fear and to leave the present moment.
This acceptance helps us to return to the present moment more quickly where we have choice and access to all of our tools and resources like calmness, balance, patience, clarity, focus, more expansive thinking, creativity, the courage to act, and the ability to gain comfort and support and hear and apply sound advice from trusted others who are not embroiled in our experience.
We are less likely to react and make costly decisions from a place of fear if we are present to what we are feeling and can pause to first calm ourselves and get what we need before taking considered action.
We want to make our best choices, which are choices informed by clear thinking rather than from strong emotions like fear.
Reality Check
It bears repeating that our thoughts and feelings are just thoughts and feelings. They aren’t reality. When we can make that distinction, we can regain and maintain control of the one reality we can control—ourselves.
Todd R. Schwartz is a somatic therapist, Certified Rosen Method Practitioner, and executive coach with VIM Executive Coaching, with offices in Denver and Boulder, Colorado. My work is not a form of, nor a substitute for, medical or mental health diagnosis, care or treatment. My work is, however, a fine complement to those and all other health and wellness approaches. Feel free to phone me at 303.704.8331 to have a conversation and to explore how this work might benefit You, or visit toddrschwartz.com for more information.
Copyright © Todd R. Schwartz, 2024.